Eyes on Me: A Positive Leadership Approach to Communicating in Stressful Situations

One of the challenges in leading a group of people in a team environment is ensuring that the message you need to communicate is received. Studies indicate that only a small percentage of what is communicated verbally is actually internalized. As a coach working with college athletes, high school athletes, casual recreational athletes, or working with college boy scouts or scouts, I found that the natural energy of a young person can make it difficult for them to focus on what the leader is saying.

Drawing on my many years of experience working with youth and adult teams in business, community, athletics, and scouts, I found the saying “eyes on me” is a quick way to gain the attention of team members. By saying “eyes on me” and making eye contact, I increased my teams’ ability to internalize my critical instructions during intense situations.

“Eyes on me” works in youth athletics. Anyone who has worked with a group of young athletes (12-18 years old) knows that, even in a tense situation, not all players may hear what the coach says at critical moments. For example, during a heavy timeout in a championship game, you needed to diagram an out of bounds play. The energy of the girls as they ran towards the group was high. As usual, they wanted to get water, a towel, congratulate themselves on their latest play, and take care of many other matters. On the other hand, I wanted them to quickly crowd around me and listen to my instructions. In 30 seconds many things can be communicated. Or, in 30 seconds, all of the down time can be wasted, resulting in an unsuspecting team susceptible to mental errors. I use the “eyes on me” technique in these situations.

With a strong and authoritative voice, but with serenity and positive character, I say: “eyes on me.” This sentence immediately draws the person’s attention to the speaker and if the coach makes frequent eye contact with each player while giving instructions, the intense interpersonal connection is maintained and results in increased retention of information. By the way, thanks to this technique I was able to modify an existing out of bounds play, assign players to a place and cover some strategic points beyond the out of bounds stage in less than 30 seconds. If you’re wondering, the team played the game perfectly and we won the championship. Of course, winning was wonderful. However, reflecting on the season and that game, I find the ability to communicate quickly and efficiently as a team, and execute the instructions given under duress, was an amazing highlight.

Young people do not deliberately try to ignore their coach or adult leader. It just so happens that many messages move at the same time within the youthful psyche. By providing a phrase, such as “Eyes on me,” the team can be conditioned to break out of its current set of random thoughts and quickly refocus on the coach.

This same technique works with boy scouts and varsity scouts. Often in the middle of an adventurous activity, the leader needs to convey something important. I have used the phrase “eyes on me” to help children reorient my directions, address safety issues, and reinforce critical learning points.

The beauty of the phrase “eyes on me” is that there is no threat, there is no critical comment, no negative message is sent to the youth. Sometimes, as adult youth leaders, we can become extremely frustrated with the sporadic attention span of teens. This frustration can cause us to stop emitting angry energy and put the audience in a defensive posture. “Johnny, why can’t you listen?” Or even more subtle, but still ineffective, is “Johnny, you’re not listening.” These types of corrections only serve to stimulate a rebellious defensive attitude that, by the way, is potentially within each of us. By simply having a way to get young people’s attention and do it in a way that doesn’t put them in a defensive or embarrassed posture, leaders have a greater chance of getting a message across.

This technique also works in the classroom. The other day, I gave a class and two students had a private conversation. As he spoke, I subtly moved closer to them. They continued. I continued my lesson and got even closer to them. Finally, it was right next to their desks. I was giving my lesson, they were still chatting. Finally, as he spoke, I used my knee and pushed his desk away. They looked up and smiled, and as I continued giving my lesson, I looked at them and smiled. The class was not interrupted, no one got defensive, and the lesson continued. If I had followed my initial instinct to ‘call them’ and say, “Johnny and Jacob, why aren’t they paying attention?” They would potentially have been pushed into the negative zone. Using a subtle technique combined with the power of a smile, I was able to regain his attention.

When leading a team, use techniques to gain the attention of a team member without causing embarrassment and being defensive. This is especially important when working with young people. Use a catchphrase like “eyes on me” when it is absolutely necessary for everyone to be focused. With a long history (over 27 years) of working with youth, I have found this positive approach highly efficient and a contributing factor in creating long-lasting and enjoyable team environments. The negative approach simply makes team members feel like they can’t wait to get out of your presence. Keep your communications positive, stay in command, smile, and use phrases that elicit the caring responses necessary for team success.