Experiences of ‘The Flow’ (5) – The Stray

“She had tolerated five years of infidelity, mental abuse and beatings, but her little sister’s rape was the final straw. She finally left him… and ended up in my house.”

“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that is good in life…”

*Below is the fifth episode in a series of real-life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places.

-Open house-

We (my “adopted” sister, her husband, and I) have an “open door” policy.

If a friend is going through a tough time and needs a place to stay, all you have to do is call or just visit. Over the past two years, we have taken in countless “strays” and helped them as much as we can.

Whether it’s a battered spouse, an abused girlfriend/boyfriend, an abandoned child, or a delinquent teen; my home became the most popular refuge in our “Mubon” (Thai: village) and “Soi” (Thai: street), a warm and safe place to go when there were no other options.

The visitors stayed long enough to get over their individual temporary crisis, sometimes two weeks, sometimes two months. Once they recovered (emotionally, physically, and financially), we bid them a warm farewell; wishing you all the best for a better life.

Benevolence was always rewarded, not in money, but in much-needed help.

Like falang in Thailand, the simplest things tend to be frustratingly difficult to pull off. Many times, when I needed help to do mundane but vital tasks (for example, ordering food, buying a motorcycle, getting directions, taking a taxi or bus, exchanging currency, etc.); He could trust the people he had helped in the past.

Asians have a very long memory, in fact. It’s not uncommon to return to a place many years later and find that casual acquaintances still remember his name, the things he did, and the things he likes or dislikes.

-Number one-

His name was Nueng (Thai: number one). In any other country, she would be described as quite attractive: smooth, brown skin; a slender, athletic figure; long dark brown hair that cascaded down her back, and an exotic face that held a beautiful smile and seductive eyes.

But by Thai standards, he was “over the hill” at 24.

In her younger years (between 16 and 21 years old), she was considered quite a beauty, being the object of desire of all the local men of her town. Unfortunately, she ended up with the local bad boy and spent most of her “beauty years” in an abusive relationship.

Out of personal pride and family/public pressure, Nueng stubbornly tolerated years of infidelity, lies, and physical abuse from her longtime boyfriend. But the rape of her little sister was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She eventually left him…and, through my sister, she ended up in my house.

– Nueng Who? –

Nueng arrived on a Friday afternoon while I was still working. My sister had already asked me if it was okay for Nueng to stay with us, saying, “You met her last year at the ‘Moo Kra Ta’ (Thai: BBQ), remember?”

I said, “No (I don’t remember), but if she needs a place to stay, yes, of course, that’s fine with me.”

When I saw Nueng, I instantly remembered who he was.

During a birthday party at a local Moo Kra Ta for a friend last year, Nueng and I met up and talked briefly. I also remember that the woman who accompanied me to the party became very jealous of Nueng, mainly because Nueng was, as the bride put it, “too nice” to me.

It also annoyed my date that Nueng was not your typical Thai woman “terrified of speaking English” (especially with a foreigner). On the contrary, Nueng was a good sportsman. She was not afraid to speak (and destroy) the English language. I reciprocated with an appropriate attack on the Thai language, having great fun trying to make sounds that have no English counterpart at all! Without exaggeration, sometimes I think you need an extra tongue (or at least an extra epiglottis) to speak Thai.

I also remember telling my sister that Nueng reminded me of a girlfriend I had in Hawaii (many years ago).

– That First Night –

During the first night in my house, I could clearly see that Nueng was suffering. Being Thai, she forced herself to smile every time he looked at her, but her eyes couldn’t hide her true feelings.

Her beautiful Asian brown eyes held a desolate look, that sad expression you see on people who have no one (and no place) to call their own. Of course, there were also countless other reasons for his unhappiness (shock, anger, loss, grief, anguish, uncertainty, the list goes on and on).

I recently got over the heartbreak, really empathizing with Nueng, trying to make her as comfortable as possible, and failing miserably. My clumsy attempts at hospitality only widened the cultural gap between us, reinforcing the fact that, yes, I am a “Falang” (Thai: foreigner) in Thailand.

Unfortunately, Falangs in Thailand don’t have the best reputation for being respectable or trustworthy.

Since I couldn’t communicate well with Nueng, I could only imagine what he was going through. Perhaps she was struggling with the idea of ​​getting back together with her abusive boyfriend? Statistics show that recidivism (repeating a bad habit or returning to an abusive situation) is high among abused girlfriends and spouses. Inwardly, she deeply hoped that she was strong enough to do what was best for her life (and her safety) for her.

– To commit or not to commit? –

I wanted to get in touch with Nueng and tell him that things will only get better.

But I personally knew that during the post-breakup period of shock and sadness, words don’t really help much. Good people, kind actions, and a different supportive environment soothe emotional wounds better than listening to cliché-sounding advice.

He wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk about her situation.

I wanted to tell you how deeply I understood what you are currently feeling. I wanted to tell you that abuse isn’t just a “women’s problem,” it happens to men, too. If you found out about my recent experiences with my ex’s infidelity, lies, mental abuse, financial recklessness, and eventual breakup, would it help you?

Maybe it would sink her deeper into sadness? Was it the right time, or even an appropriate topic to talk about? To sympathize or not to sympathize, that was the question.

Using my bilingual sister as a translator, I told Nueng to relax and make herself at home.

“You can stay as long as you need,” I told him.

“Kop khun kaa, Khun JC, kop khun kaa maak (Thank you, Mr. JC, thank you very much),” he said, with a respectful “Wai” (a Thai gesture made by joining hands, like a prayer, and touching the chin with thumbs).

“If you want to stay here, you have to just call me ole ‘JC No ‘Mr.’ It makes me feel so much older than I am,” I said.

After the translation, Nueng’s face broke into a bright smile.

Then I heard her laugh for the first time since she arrived. It was a wonderful sound…