The science fiction wedding dress: nobody will forget your wedding

More and more women are waking up to one of life’s biggest secrets: Hanging out with the Big Man on campus only brings you angst and mediocre bedroom skills, at best. A good nerd, however, really knows how to treat a lady. Hence the surge in interest in sci-fi-themed weddings: make your wonderful geek happy on this day, and he’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.

If you’re already a proud nerdette, you probably already have some solid ideas about what you might want in a sci-fi wedding dress. For the rest of you, we have some tips.

First, you must choose your alliance.

One of the biggest things to decide is whether you’re more of a Star Wars couple or a Star Trek couple. You may like both, but when the chips are low, almost all nerds have a strong preference.

If you’re at the Star Wars camp, you’re in luck: Princess Leia wears some stunning gowns and tends to prefer white. The one she wears for most of the original Star Wars (which is, confusingly, the so-called Episode IV: A New Hope, just kick back and let go) is beautifully draped. It has a high neckline and extremely demure lines, yet it’s soft and flowy enough to hint at her figure intriguingly. And yes, you can accessorize it with side bows and a delicately feminine blaster. If you want to show a little more skin and go with a hairstyle that’s authentic but not reminiscent of pastels, try Leia’s dress from the awards ceremony at the end – it’s a white and gold goddess dress that would call the shots. attention even if you weren’t walking down the hall under rows of crossed lightsabers.

When you mention Leia-inspired wedding dresses to your boyfriend, don’t be surprised if he mentions another outfit for your honeymoon: the metal bikini you wear in Return of the Jedi. If you can find one, give it a try – you’ll look stunning and your boyfriend will officially be the luckiest jerk in the galaxy.

Padmé and Amidala also wear pretty dresses that could possibly be wedding dresses, but these appear in The We Didn’t Talk About trilogy. If her boyfriend brings up the subject of her wedding around these later Star Wars installments, he may want to think about their relationship a bit more. Unless he suggests they both paint their faces in red and black stripes and go as Sith lords. That would be totally worth it.

If you’re a Star Trek couple, you have a wide variety to work with, both in species and incarnations of Trek. If you choose the original Kirk-and-Spock series, you can wear a fun mod mini wedding dress with tall boots, assuming you’re part of the team. Put your hair up and wear a Uhara-style headpiece for extra bonus points. You can also go mod like an original Trek baby alien, or you can also go fluid and ethereal, with hippy-dippy colors. For added authenticity, expose an odd part of your body—say, a cutout above (but not revealing) your belly button—and consider dyeing your skin green.

If you decide to go to Next Generation, Voyager, or Deep Space Nine, your options multiply faster than a handful of Tribbles. The uniforms for the female crew members are a bit more demure in these incarnations of Trek, but wearing the Starfleet dress uniform is certainly appropriate for such an occasion.

There are other human wedding dresses worn during the various series, but as long as you’ve made it this far, why not go alien?

Although Vulcans are great, we strongly discourage a Vulcan wedding due to the unfortunate symbolism; Vulcans feel no emotions and only have sex once every seven years. Save Vulcan Fun Time for quick family dinners or the workplace.

And really, if you’re going to go with a Star Trek alien wedding, go Klingon or go home. You can get away with many styles of Klingon wedding dresses ranging from sexy vixen to neck-breaking warrior. If you’ve ever fantasized about wearing a tight, metallic-studded leather skirt to your wedding, this is it. You can also get away with a traditional human white wedding dress if you need to, just pair it with a prosthetic Klingon forehead with grooves and you’ll be fine. If someone questions you about your dress, tell them that they have insulted your honor and that they must apologize or be killed. They will shut down their barks. Also, you will probably receive a very nice wedding gift.

A Klingon wedding ceremony, of course, involves a Klingon officiant and Klingon vows. Your heartfelt ceremony will conclude with the poignant sentiment “Today, you are not alone. Today your Empire begins.”

That heartwarming surge of Klingon patriotic emotion is the only reason your mom will be crying. We are sure of it.