NLP for trainers: discover the big problem in your life with these simple questions

Have you noticed that there are certain recurring “themes” in your life and in the lives of your clients? How do you get to the bottom of these topics, so you can address them directly?

Enter the “Top Concerns” of NLP. This is a brilliant, simple, and powerful questioning system designed to get right to the heart of what’s really going on with someone.

To understand Prime Concerns, the following are associated:

Starting things is associated with being.

Changing things is associated with doing.

Stopping things is associated with having.

I know there doesn’t seem to be any relationship on the surface. That’s part of why it seems so “magical” when you work with it!

This is how he works with Prime Concerns:

Ask the customer which is better at starting things, changing things, or stopping things. Then ask them what they are worse at, starting things, changing things, or stopping things.

The third question you would ask, “Who/what are you not (being or doing or having) that you want to (be, do or have)”.

For example, let’s say your client says it’s better to change things. That is associated with doing. Your client says that it is worse to stop things, this is associated with having. Would you ask that customer, what is it that you don’t have that you want to have?

This points to something that is of great importance to the customer, hence the term “Primary Concern”. Keep in mind that you’ll want to make a note of the exact words they use. By using your own specific language, you will be more effective in reaching them and helping them create the change they are looking for in life.

If they’re having trouble getting started, chances are they’re having trouble not being who they want to be. This could relate to relationships, career, or a certain role in life.

If you are challenged to change things, chances are you have something in your life that you want to do and don’t. Maybe they are lawyers and want to be comedians. You get the idea. If they have a hard time stopping things, they may not have something that is very important to them.

Try it yourself and then use it with your clients. Notice how their answers relate to what you already know about them. I am always amazed at the results.