Interracial Relationships: Love or Lust?

Can interracial relationships work? Can you avoid being called racial slurs at least once during the relationship? Will it always be considered taboo? I don’t know the answer to all the questions that arise from interracial relationships. However, I know that interracial relationships can work. My personal experiences have turned into momentary failures that have taught me life-long lessons. I’ve looked back and came up with some advice and a bit of encouragement.

I grew up in a small town called Dyersburg, Tennessee. There was a huge high school attended by all customs, races and religions. Historically, the South has not been considered advanced and progressive, but there is no other option but to progress when the entire population is taught in concert. Naturally, there were a series of barriers that divided genders and races. None of them were enough to block the wonderful socialization process. I discovered that the socialization part was fundamental. It really separated me from the pack later. I was a young black man who appreciated teenage hormones and the Baskin’s Robbins (Multiple Flavors) girls’ environment.

People often grow up ignorant of other races. Therefore, many adhere to their own race. They fear what their parents and friends may say, as well as the fear of the unknown. I only liked black girls, until high school. He wasn’t dating white girls because he didn’t know how. How do you tell your mom that your friend is white after hearing a lot of white jokes over the years? It can be a confusing and risky task that some do not want to participate in. As a result, I went through middle school and high school dating great black girls and everyone else was off limits, due to self-imposed ignorance and imposed society. I lost the friendship of a lot of potential girls of other races. There were so many pretty white girls that he could still name. There were beautiful Indian girls, Asian girls, and girl races that I had no idea about. I left Dyersburg with little crushes that will never be known.

I dated my first white friend in college. Maybe you shouldn’t use the term dated. It was a fun adventure and the result of a drinking game called Questions. She was not nearly as pretty as the Dyersburg girls. She was simply the answer to my curiosity. Many can relate to this part of the story. TIP: Protect yourself by satisfying your promiscuous curiosity. The only thing I learned from that episode was that someone of another race could be loving and attracted to me. It felt rewarding and enriching. The whole world opened up to me. He didn’t know if someone really beautiful could like him, but now he knew that there was no secret code that said to ignore the other race.

Later I dated a reasonably attractive white woman who really liked me. She helped me break a lot of molds. I was 5 feet 6 inches standing next to her at 5 feet 8 inches. That let me know that I could go out with whites and taller. He had the big body that black men love. She was thick. Contrary to popular belief, many of us like symmetrical women. This woman was very balanced. She became more than lust. She was so amazing and cool, it became alarming to me. She laughed at my jokes, cooked for me, was sexy and sexually generous. She was intellectually compatible and culturally connective. I felt about to fall in love and that scared me. Once again, I wondered what people would say if he was married to a white woman, and one whom he had to look up to! She respected me a lot, but I disappointed her. It was my first big lesson in fear of the unknown and ignorance of life. I stepped back and didn’t see her again after Navy training camp.

I went to Japan while in the United States Navy. I didn’t really feel interracial and international relationships. It would have been the double whammy. He was apparently ignorant of all races and cultures. I freaked out and scared myself back only to black relationships because it seemed safe. TIP: This is a common mistake. I started a new world education on women, life, race and culture. I learned so much that it even helped me to be less homophobic. He had respected friends from all walks of life and from multiple nations. This helped me develop respect for a person’s heart. All women were potentially beautiful again in my eyes. I hung out with some Japanese girls in my home port of Yokosuka, Japan. I finally found a diamond in the rough. She was really cute and super loyal. She was very cold and often witty. We developed a great relationship over a period of two and a half years. We went everywhere and did everything together as twins.

Once again, I broke someone’s heart out of fear, ignorance, and perhaps selfishness. I actually loved her, and still allowed myself to leave at the end of my contract with the Navy. I was a little insanely jealous. However, that shouldn’t have been enough to give up on us. I returned to the United States and we agreed to keep in touch. That never quite worked out because I ended up marrying someone else. I kept going, but it never would have happened if it weren’t for fear and ignorance. I learned the lesson of my life. It was at the expense of someone else’s heart and many difficult days for me growing up.

How does a person overcome these obstacles? Let me help. The first thing a person has to do is socialize culturally. One person must be a student of the other person’s culture. If I respected my dear friend enough, I should have learned the culture, the language, and the lady. This is one of the main thought processes to overcome interracial challenges. If you do not dedicate yourself to this study, the offense is inevitable. It took me a long time to learn, but I learned that there are many great women under the outer layer called skin. There are genuinely amazing academics, politicians, educators, innovators, and women who just wanted to be loved 100% of the time and coveted at least 50% of the time. They want to be appreciated. Forget about their skin when it comes to loving them. This applies to both genders.

The number one reason interracial couples fail is a lack of understanding of love. They say that love never fails. It is only true when there is a proper understanding of love. Love is dying to oneself for the benefit of another. Kill your own selfish desires and put them aside for the benefit of another. This is the love that can never fail because you are always in charge of not allowing it to fail. It has nothing to do with race and everything to do with sacrifice. It’s not just interracial couples, but all kinds of couples that never get it. The hard knowledge gained in life has given me the opportunity to be successful as a relationship expert, but the path to wisdom was not easy to use. Take my advice and see love prosper and be fruitful.

Just a review of the most important things:

• One person must become a student of the other person’s culture.
• Forget about skin when it comes to loving people.
• Love cannot fail if you define it properly and act accordingly.