How humorous people affect us
Like smell, humor has extremely offensive or captivating effects on us, depending on the type. In the last two posts I have described two types, unifying and divisive. The third type are those who seem to have no sense of humor at all. In this post I will compare the effects of all three on us.
Apparently, people without a sense of humor often prefer to focus on doing homework, being nice, or other “productive behaviors.”
How does that behavior compare to the other two? Well, divisive humor is usually the funniest, at least at first. By making fun of another person, we can feel superior. Also, some of the funniest lines are insulting. Like scalpels, they cut quickly and deeply into even the thickest skin.
A discreet way to respond to someone who is firing divisive “bullets” at others is to suggest, “Never start a fire; it irritates the people around you.” However, when he feels he must climb, to paraphrase Adlai Stevens: “Those who throw mud often get dirty.”
Unifying the humor was the surest way to break tension or conflict.
Those who use divisive humor are more likely to break agreements than those who show no humor or use unifying humor.
People who seem to lack a streak of humor are more likely than people in the other two categories to be harsher and more unforgiving in their judgments of others and more likely to see the world in “right/wrong” categories. They are less able to be accepted as team players.
Most of us rationalize our use of cutting humor as harmless fun. After all, it’s usually a matter of perspective, i.e. who is being skewered. As Mel Brooks once wrote, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die.”
Unifying humor is healing and allows us to see a broader picture where hope is possible.
Charlie Chaplin once said: “Life is a tragedy up close, but a comedy from a wide angle.”
How do you use humor?
Comedian, Allen Klein began writing about humor as healing when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. He offers this story: “When the naturalist William Beebe used to visit President Theodore Roosevelt on Sagamore Hill, the two would take an evening stroll after dinner. Then one or the other would perform a customary ritual. He would look up at the stars saying, ‘That’s the galaxy. Andromeda spiral. It is as big as our Milky Way. It is one of a hundred million galaxies. It is 750,000 light years away. It consists of a hundred billion suns, each larger than our sun. ‘
Silence followed. Finally, one of them would say, “Now I think we’re small enough. Let’s go to bed.” A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way.”
Consider the times when you simply made a mistake, made a “dumb mistake,” or didn’t do the smartest thing in the situation. Like me, you have a rich store of these kinds of stories that you can tap into. Have them ready in your mind so you know when you want to lighten someone else’s load and bring them closer. Those are the situations you want to share with someone when you’re in an unfamiliar situation, feeling insecure, just made a mistake, or feel uncomfortable for some other reason.
Sometimes light, dry humor can brighten a dark situation. My friend Stevie Weir walked through the rain to open the door to her eagerly awaited new home and found water dripping from the roof of the driveway and said, “Every silver lining has a cloud.”
If several of you have made mistakes in a situation, you might offer this fun advice to make fun of yourself and your teammates: “Foolproofing implies a finite number of fools.”
“In life, as in art, it’s often about knowing where to draw the line.” If you overuse self-deprecating humor, be aware that you may end up looking like a victim.
Every comedian needs an audience, and I, who can’t remember the jokes, can often fill that role. My father is a natural storyteller and joker who often makes me laugh when I get too serious. As my friend Adama says, “The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line” and I am often that line.
Unexpected humor can break a mood
Some of my favorite types of humor are when people can juxtapose two seemingly unlikely images to make a point. In a tense meeting where he was trying to train a startup’s engineers on how to describe its complex wireless portal product to potential investors in a way that would be understandable, his usually patient attorney finally broke the tension by saying: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.”
Some people may never offer a direct apology for past behavior, but will sneak in atonement using wry humor, such as “Procrastination means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Inject laughter into your daily life
Move into a new chapter that is the adventure story you want for your life. Here is a way. What role do you want to play today? Does it test the underdeveloped, perhaps unexpected, facet of your “character”? Alan Funt’s classic show “Candid Camera” and subsequent imitations of that show may give you ideas.
As poor students on a scholarship program, eight of us used to form a spontaneous “live theater” group on Friday nights for free entertainment and ended up learning so much more about ourselves and each other. We assigned “roles” to each other and then walked separately to a busy bar in San Francisco to act them out for each other.
The rules? Each person could give three attributes to another person in the group. For example, I was once going to be a very shy kindergarten teacher who was raised in a small town in North Dakota the same night someone else was designated as a playboy rich law student from an old rich family. from Philadelphia. You can imagine the scenes that unfolded.
These days you can still watch Drew Carey’s hilarious improv show “What’s My Line Anyway” and learn some new rules for creating your own spontaneous “live theater.” I’ve found that those nights offer unforgettable and fun ways to let stress melt away and see new sides of friends I thought I knew well.
Alan Meiss has a fun list of tips for creating live theater on an elevator ride. One suggestion: “Have a friend with you, but act like your friend is a complete stranger. After a while, turn to your friend and say, ‘Do you want to trade?’ and switch wallets or purses.
As Norman Cousins used to say, “He who laughs lasts.” What are some of the ways you or someone you know have used unifying humor?