Communication will make or break relationships

In relationships there is a constant balance of the needs of each individual with the needs of the relationship. This drive for independence while also wanting to be connected is what makes relationships challenging. In addition, each person brings a rich history of life experiences with expectations of how life together should work.

You can see here how important communication is for a relationship to work. We have been in many different relationships throughout our lives. Especially significant have been the relationships we had growing up. From the adults in our lives we learned what mothers and fathers, wives and husbands are like. We also learned which feelings we could openly acknowledge and which ones we had to keep to ourselves.

I found that most people, as adults, have to review the conclusions they reached. For example, a person who has learned to avoid conflict will avoid speaking up when they really disagree. The result is that the couple does not know the real feelings of the conflicting spouse. Consequently, as a couple, you cannot talk through the disagreement and find solutions that truly reflect each other’s feelings and thinking.

I would like to see people unlearn communication patterns that prevent them from relating authentically. The freedom that comes from being able to speak honestly and listen to really listen is what creates intimacy. Fortunately, as adults, we can learn effective ways to communicate that will improve our relationships. Intimacy grows when each person takes charge of himself and both feel that their lives are enriched by growing together.