Act together in a relationship – GYAT
The power of attraction remains to this day, despite all our technical advances in computers, mobile phones, and satellite teletronomy, a mystical science. And yet, the principle of a mobile phone is identical to the power of attraction of a human mind. We are receiving and transmitting devices, they are located in our head. If things aren’t going your way, it’s because you’re attracting him. If things go the way you want it is because you are attracting it.
No one treats you better than yourself. If you’re not honoring, respecting, appreciating, being kind, generous, compassionate, or grateful to yourself, no one else will.
If you’re attracting dark clouds in the form of a mean ex-partner, a pushy boss, or kids going crazy around you, look within. The way you treat yourself on the outside of ourselves may reflect what is happening on the inside, or it may be the opposite.
For example, you may stuff your face with food thinking you are being nice to yourself, but in reality you are abusing yourself. Feed on the outside – shut down on the inside.
So it’s best to work from the inside out. Start with a feeling of self-acceptance inside: “I am who I am and worthy of love for it”, that is a big step in most people’s lives.
Then move on to the four of Inner Wealth…kindness, compassion, generosity, and appreciation for yourself on the inside…in other words, stop trying, stop wanting to change yourself, stop wanting to be different. That inner generosity towards oneself comes in many forms and is more complicated than you think.
For example, that inner person can be the least competitive, the dumbest in business, the incompetent in relationships, the shy, the introverted, and the most mischievous 3-year-old. Do you like that part of you?
Sometimes this inner child, or human spirit as it is called, sabotages the things you want. For example, you might be running a marathon and think that your inner child is holding you back or not “preparing” you for the race and that’s where you might need some therapy…
The human spirit is not obsessed with results, only the process is interesting to the human spirit. If you run a race without your inner child, the human spirit, you can reach the end, but along the way you will have discarded yourself, (that part of you) you will have disrespected yourself, and surprisingly, your antenna, or mobile phone incorporated ha. I pointed it out to ex-wives, ex-husbands and that’s what you attract. Disrespect and discard…
Another example could be skipping your AM time in the morning because there are other priorities. Let’s say you’re driving the kids to school or making breakfast for your partner, so you don’t do your self-respect practice in the morning, sleep late, and skip it. Then two days later you feel like shit and think you just did something wrong. But in reality, the broadcast waves have been looking for a place to land for 24 hours… Always look back at the last three days to see what has triggered the things that are happening on this day.
That is the danger of living in the moment. You act for this moment and expect the results at this moment. But I have found that it is better to act for the future.
If you want your partner to be horny for you next week, do something this week, delay your need for gratification for what you do, and open your arms to receive it in a few days. I promise you that you will get twice what you expected at the time.
Sometimes in consultations with clients I say things they don’t like. I have a habit of being too real for some people’s sensibilities. They curse me and storm off. Now, I have two options: first, to go after them and apologize, and the second is to judge myself and say to myself, “I spoke honestly, they will come sometime when they are ready.”
I chose the second option.
In my experience, if I choose the first option, and react to their emotional games, and apologize for telling the truth, I end up punishing myself for speaking from the heart. That’s not going to attract good things, is it?
I remember once feeling life badly hurt someone in a relationship. On the surface, I said I didn’t hurt them because they were really acting up, but there was residual guilt and it made me feel responsible for all the pain I saw people in my presence.
So in that relationship, they became really abusive and I became really guilty. Suddenly my whole world turned to shit. My business life, my finances, my friendships, my health turned sour.
My guilt was self-abusive, so I attracted abuse.
I went on a retreat for three weeks sitting in Zen trying to deal with it. But all I managed was to sit on my guilt and try to become someone else. This is not functional. At least not, until the last day, when, after trying to overcome the guilt, I suddenly felt compassion and kindness towards a deeper part of me.
Man, I cried tears on my ass. I cried and cried and cried. I had been talking, walking the path of “good guy” and “Mr. Blame,” but deep down, I had been taking the blame squarely to my core, my inner child, my spirit.
Suddenly I saw that this inner part, this inner child, this spirit is neither good nor bad, it just is.
Choose paths without logic, directions without rationality. He stays in relation to health and leaves. It doesn’t cause pain, the way people react causes their pain.
Now he had the ability to delay gratification. I could tell the truth right now, get rejected right now, not accept it, be kind to myself and hope that kindness resonates and does it.
Sometimes people are mad at me for 15 years after a consultation. They get very angry and blame me for everything that goes wrong in their lives. I do not take it into account, nor do I accept its dumping, but I do not need to reject it either. As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as you don’t react, it has no impact.
Understand the dynamics of life.
Love happens on the border of support and challenge.
The more support, the more challenge.
If a person finds it easy at work and in life, he will do it hard at home.
Nature guarantees it.
From the outside we can look at someone’s life and see the challenge and feel sorry for them, but what would be healthier is to see the support as well as the challenge. Not a single person on earth has it differently.
Some people have little support in their relationship, but they have a great time at work, so you see that their relationship is really difficult. In general, however, they are balanced.
Where we choose our challenge, now that’s changeable.
To shift the challenge of our relationship to another space we need:
- Be honest that we are in the wrong job and in cruise mode.
- Admit that no one beats us more than ourselves
- Accept that our partner is probably right about at least part of his ideas
- Not changing our behavior in our relationship…
I’ll only cover the latter in detail:
If things go wrong in our relationship we should not change our behavior. That model leads to lies, secrets and pretense. The result of which is resentment.
However, what we can change is our intention.
What does that mean?
Any baggage we carry about a past experience, a fear, guilt, resentment, judgment, anger, frustration, incompleteness, reaction, question, or devastation affects our intention.
The ability to trust another person, to love, to be positive or complementary, to accept, to have compassion, kindness, generosity and appreciation for another person is governed by our baggage and is reflected in our intention.
The ability to have the Four of Inner Wealth: Gratitude, Presence, Certainty and Love is affected by our baggage and is reflected in our intention.
So, GYAT is the Innerwealth process to change your intention… (GYAT – Getting Your Act Together)
GYAT is how you profoundly change your intention.
Your intention changes your behavior, not for the purpose of placating an angry or vindictive, manipulative or unhappy partner. Change your behavior from an authentic sustainable place.