Mommy’s Boy Contest

Are you, or is someone you know, a mama’s boy? Take this quiz to find out, and read on to find out what it means and what to do about it!

Do you have an ever-present feeling of inadequacy as a man?

Do you think you are ineffective in your role as a husband or as a romantic partner?

Do you think you are ineffective in your role as a parent?

Do you feel you are inadequate as a provider for your family?

Do you have persistent problems in your relationships at home, at work, or with friends?

Are you unable to make decisions that benefit others or even yourself?

Is procrastination, rather than being a means to a creative end, a real problem at home, at work, and in social situations?

Are you unable to imagine fulfilling the purpose of your life?

Do you feel like a failure on a daily basis?

Do you experience anger and frequent outbursts of anger?

Does he express aggression towards women or children?

Do you harass people?

Do you engage in reckless behavior, taking unnecessary risks?

Are you promiscuous?

Are you chauvinistic or condescending in your behavior or attitude toward women, children, or men you believe to be inferior to you?

Are you unable to have a friendship with a man or a woman because you can’t stop being competitive?

Does your wife or romantic partner “mother” you?

Does your spouse or romantic partner chronically question your decisions and choices?

Does your spouse or romantic partner feel free to shamefully correct you in public?

Does your wife or romantic partner frequently remove lint from your clothes or “clean” you in other ways?

Does your spouse or romantic partner monitor your conversations?

Does your spouse or romantic partner often take care of things for you that you could do for yourself?

Do you feel driven to submit regularly by your wife or romantic partner?

Does your wife or romantic partner always try to put your needs and wants first?

Is your wife or romantic partner your “sex slave”?

Do you treat your wife or romantic partner like a servant?

Is your wife or romantic partner having affairs?

Does your mother ask you to do things for her that she should ask her husband to do for her and that he is capable of doing (such as housework, taking the car for service, etc.)?

Does your mother turn to you, rather than her husband, for comfort, encouragement, reassurance, or support?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are probably a mama’s boy. If she answers “yes” to any of these questions regarding her husband or romantic partner, chances are she’s a mama’s boy.

Mama’s boys, whether pulling or pushing the women in their lives, believe they get their power from the women in their lives. The phenomenon is born within the family.

There are men who, for a variety of reasons, never get a chance to get out of their mother’s sphere of influence and into their father’s sphere of influence. For some it is because their parents were not physically or emotionally present. For others it is because their fathers were themselves mother’s sons and allowed their children to remain under the influence of their mothers. Whatever the reason, a man becomes a mama’s boy because he didn’t get the invitation to enter his father’s sphere of influence.

Some mother’s sons grow up to be very masculine, very chauvinistic. Some grow up to be quite gentle males who take great care of the women and children in their lives. Others grow up to express their masculinity somewhere between those two extremes. If you hadn’t taken the quiz first, you could ask, “So what’s the problem?” The problem lies in a man’s ability to maintain healthy relationships, beginning with his relationship with his spouse or romantic partner.

Young children begin their lives under the protective wings of their mothers. There they, ideally, find life safe and secure. As they grow, they seek independence. At this time, mom can become a nuisance, a helper, a jailer or a comrade for her little man. Between the two of them, she learns from her whether pushing her or pulling her will give her what she wants: freedom!

Ideally, during the preteen and early teen years, a boy’s father invites him to leave his mother’s sphere of influence, where life feels relatively safe, and enter the father’s sphere of influence. In the father’s sphere of influence, life may be experienced as more dangerous. For example, fathers traditionally have higher expectations and are more demanding than mothers. However, in the father’s sphere of influence, the son has the opportunity to experience himself as a man in the company of men. He comes to discover that the power of him as a man comes from within and that is the greatest freedom of all.

When a child never leaves his mother’s sphere of influence, he comes to believe that his power comes from outside himself, from her. As a man, he projects that belief onto the women in his life and it leads to unhappiness, resentment, even anger or rage. He can lead to severe codependency in which a man believes life is “normal” only when there is tension and power struggles in the home.

The tragedy is that for many mother’s children, their relationships begin with a lot of passion, chemistry, joy and love. It is when the relationship reaches a certain level of commitment that the issue of being a mama’s boy challenges the relationship. So what’s a mama’s boy to do?

Remember this: men express their masculinity with women but refresh it with other men. Mama’s boy needs to do two things. First, he needs to practice not pulling and not pushing against his woman. This only frees her to be her lover instead of her mother! Second, he needs to spend time in the company of other men, relaxed and free to be himself.

One warning: when you practice not pulling or pushing your woman, you will shake up the relationship to the extent that you become co-dependent on each other. She may not seem appreciative of being treated like her lover instead of her mother! If you’re a mama’s boy, she’s probably a daddy’s girl, and as a result, the dance they do together is pretty tricky. Learning new steps means untangling old ones. Be patient, the reward is worth it.

Encourage her to stop treating you like a little child. Encourage her to treat you like a man. Show yourself as a man and give her the chance to relax into her femininity. And watch as power struggles give way to more love, better passion, and greater satisfaction!