How strong are you?
As children, many of us thought that strength was only measured in physical terms; how many pounds he could lift, how big his muscles were, how successful he was in arm wrestling. As we grew older, we realized that strength was also mental; how to resist peer pressure, how to stay home and study for that test even though all your friends are partying. For many of us, our physical strength is tested more often than our mental strength, so we cannot answer categorically: How strong are you?
How many of us would be able to go through chemotherapy with a smile? How many of us would handle hair loss with panache? How many of us would be able to face our mortality head-on and have absolute faith, even in the darkest hour, that there would be a tomorrow? The strongest person I know was able to do all that and more. He’s barely 5’5, he can’t bench press half his weight and he’d probably lose in an arm wrestling match, but he’s strong.
She was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia at the age of 26, three and a half months ago. From the beginning she was the one who told you “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine”, she was the one who made you smile, helped you feel better. One of her doctors calls her “Sunshine” and she is. We have known each other for more than 10 years, she was always the most extravagant, she would enter a room and charm everyone in seconds. The Yin to my Yang, I prefer to be an observer and she loves being the center of attention.
In late 2007, as my 26th birthday approached, we decided that we would have a Thanksgiving get-together with all of our friends and celebrate the official event of crossing over in our late twenties, just a few years out of our thirties. At the time, everyone was spread out across North America and we had a weekly conference call with up to four women on the phone laughing and talking for hours on end. Our tickets were booked, our drunken talking points were written, our bags were half-packed, and we were good to go. Our plans changed forever.
On November 1st my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia. Do you think… LEUKEMIA? OBJECTIVE HE’S ONLY 26 YEARS OLD?! THE DOCTORS MUST BE WRONG! In our naivety we think that we are immortal, we think that our age somehow protects us… how wrong we are. November 1 – diagnosis, November 2 – immediate treatment. It all happens so fast that you google answers, search for “acute myeloid leukemia” and read a medical journal that says “…if left untreated, the person can die within weeks.” Oh. Me. God. Your concern is doubled, but you are still thankful that it was caught early. Thank my Lord!
You start hearing words like chemotherapy, biopsy, transfusion, transplant and you can’t imagine what your friend must be going through if you’re so devastated. And yet, the spirit of him still shines like a beacon… Absolutely amazing. He experiences firsthand the pain she’s going through, hears her bed rattling because she’s shaking uncontrollably as a side effect of her medication, counts at least 7 different cocktails of medication she’s given intravenously, watches her lose 30 pounds in 6 For weeks, he applies anti-itch lotion to his body because another medication causes his entire body to itch, yet his absolute belief in its cure never wavers. Even through her tears, she trusted. Even in her pain, she believed. And that is STRENGTH.
For many, worries and “what ifs” would compound their problems, doubts would suffocate their spirit; depression would increase her pain. I don’t think he has that kind of strength, I’d like to hope he does, but having lived a fairly ‘trial-free’ life so far, I can’t say with absolute certainty that he would. My friend’s situation opened my eyes, it made me more compassionate with the situation of others. Not that he didn’t feel sympathy, but I guess he never hit you on such a deep level because you couldn’t relate. Unfortunately it takes us or someone close to us to go through such a situation for us to know.
My friend is not out of danger yet. His cancer is currently in remission, however, he needs to have a bone marrow transplant as the results of photogenetic tests show that the probability of his cancer recurring is very high. He has a long road ahead of him, but fortunately he is already out of the hospital. The search for a donor is underway, he has three brothers and none are compatible. When we are healthy, we never realize how something as small as a pint of our blood can change someone’s life. Become a donor.
My friend’s experience has taught everyone around her to value seconds, minutes, hours. Value your relationships…a small action can make a difference in someone else’s life. Her lesson is to show that mental strength can conquer the physical. She continues to smile through the pain and stand firm in her belief.